BDIU – Driving – Audi takes top spot


In this year’s balloting for the biggest douche in the Universe – Drivers, we have a new winner. A position that has been literally owned by BMW drivers so long, it seemed hereditary, has finally been overtaken by Audi drivers.

BMW drivers have held the top position for so long it is almost prehistoric. From the fact that they seem to come without turn signals, and that speed limit signs are merely a suggestion, as well as audacious merges into traffic on the freeway, their hold seemed unshakable.

However, this last 12 months it is clear that a bigger group of asshole drivers has emerged. Those who drive Audi’s.

While a step below the BMW on the rung of brand value, Audi drivers make up for that slightly lower stature by doing ever more outlandishly douche-y things on the freeways.

What was merely a “holier than thou” attitude merging in on the freeway by BMW drivers, is now a “fuck you, I’m coming in” by Audi drivers. Literally, they just force their way in. And it isn’t because there weren’t ample distance to merge normally, but they wait until the exit lane, or the merge lane is gone, often driving onto the shoulder to force their way in al the while flinging debris into the roadway.


Then there is the not new, but certainly escalating, exit “dive bombing”. This is where there is a back up at an exit, and some douchebag prick drives to the first car in line, signals, and forces his way in. This is far more often a fuckwit Audi driver.

Did I mention they were assholes?

But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the exit lane surfers. Alas, this isn’t dominated by Audi drivers, but they are more than representative. This is where there is a 3/4 of a mile exit only lane, and main traffic is backed up (like every morning here in Silicon valley) they jump into the exit lane, racing to just before the exit, and force their way in. Sort of a reverse exit dive bomber. All to get a dozen or so car lengths ahead.

The mythical Audi turn signal stalk

Of course, with how rarely they signal, unless they are dive bombing or surfing the exits, one would be excused to think that the turn indicators was a $20,000 option.

Yes, the 2015 Driving Douche of the Year goes to Audi drivers, for their tireless effort to unseat BMW owners as the biggest assholes. Because at the end of the day, an Audi is just a jumped up Volkswagen.

(note: Audi might be in the top spot for only one year, as Tesla drivers are rapidly vying for the top Douche spot).

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By geoffand


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October 2015

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